Texas Lady

Buffy Today

After crying off and on all day yesterday I thought I was pretty much cried out, but, of course, I was wrong.  Today I went to visit Buffy in the hospital and the tears started in the car before I ever got there.  Such is grief; such is love, so it’s fine but it’s not over yet.

I wanted to see her, comfort her, knowing she has to spend all day in her crate because there’s no vet in the office today so they won’t  euthanize her until tomorrow.  Since there were no other appointments in the office today it was quiet where Buffy was.  She was sitting in her crate, an IV in her arm, still shivering some and her eyes were focused far away from where she lay.  As soon as I said her name her head popped up and she was totally present.  “Hi, Mom!”  “Hi, Miss Buffy, look what I brought you!”  I had stopped to pick up a cheeseburger and a dish of ice cream so she could have a treat.  No longer worried about her cholesterol or her weight, I figured this was the ultimate splurge day.  I broke up her cheeseburger into small pieces and she ate about 1/2 of it, but she physically turned her head away from the ice cream.  Guess she’s just not a dairy kind of a girl.  The tech said she had given Buffy something for nausea but was concerned that she had not eaten at all today and she was thinking she’d have to try some baby food and see if Buffy would find that more palatable.  Nope.  Buffy is a cheeseburger maven, and even though she didn’t eat it all, she did eat and we saved the rest for later.  I also took her 2 Puperoni sticks and a Greenie for later in the day.  I gave her a taste of the Puperoni (one of her previously favorite snack foods) but it just wasn’t what she wanted at the time.

It so happened that right after I got there that Ronnie called me so I put him on speakerphone so he could talk to Buffy.  She perked up and started looking for him but finally decided he wasn’t there and the moment was over, but I couldn’t have planned anything more perfect.

Buffy had an appointment set up to recheck her blood work tomorrow afternoon at 1:30 so we will use that appointment as her time at the gallows.  I decided that I couldn’t let her go through this alone so I will be there with her, something I’ve never done before and thought I could not handle emotionally, but I can’t let her face forever alone.  The veterinarian who will euthanize her is, ironically, the vet from the ER that diagnosed her kidney failure in May and who euthanized Maximus.  She is a quiet, sweet woman who makes you feel loved and listened to.  A fitting doctor to lead Miss Buffy’s trip to the Rainbow Bridge.  Fortunately all the vets at our preferred clinic are just as nice and caring; we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Losing Buffy, while not a good thing, is hopefully allowing me to put some closure to losing Maximus.  The night we had Maximus euthanized at the emergency clinic they asked if we wanted him cremated or did we want his remains to bury.  The thought of either was not manageable in our brains at the time.  I did want his collar and it has been on my desk since May 28th, but after time to process the grief, and to get Buffy well after the attack, I wished I’d had Max cremated and had some kind of memorial of him and all he meant to me.  After all, I’d had him since he was 8 days old and had bottle-fed him.  He was my child in so many ways and his loss devastated me.  I had finally gotten to the point where I no longer cried about him every day and now the tears are for Buffy’s demise, but they’re also still unshed tears for my baby, Maximus.  I miss him terribly!  With all his faults (which actually were few but serious ones nevertheless) he remains my big, clumsy baby who at 90 pounds still thought he was a lap dog but snored like a drunken sailor when he’d sleep on the couch.  I remember the softness of his fur, like baby’s hair, that we thought would coarsen with age, but never did.  At 2 years old his hair still felt like a baby’s and I’d rub his ears while he slept with his big head in my lap.  I so loved that part of him, the baby part so opposite of the demon part of his brain that would flash and dole out pain and blood to the other dogs he was around.  It’s hard to understand the Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde transformation he’d make.  One minute he was Maximus, the next he was the demon, the next he was Maximus with no idea of the destruction he’d dealt.  That was why euthanization was the only choice: he didn’t know what he was doing when he’d snap like that and consequently had no remorse when it was over.  Even on 3 Prozac per day he was still having those personality shifts and he was too big and too dangerous to allow to continue his path of destruction.  He wasn’t getting better; he wasn’t going to get better, so, like Buffy he had to lose his life.  Perhaps some time in the future there’ll be ways to treat Max’s brain problem and Buffy’s kidney failure in other suffering animals, but until then we will have to be content to remember them both with love.

Buffy May 14, 2013

We’ve been medicating Miss Buffy for the past 2 months trying to make her kidneys continue to work, but it has become futile.  Over the weekend (and the end of last week after she was released from the hospital to go home) she has begun to experience ever-increasing pain.  We gave her one prescription pain medication which did not help.  Then we gave her the narcotic prescription pain reliever and it didn’t help either.  By this morning she was sitting on the floor shivering, refusing to eat or even go out the pet door to potty.  I rushed her to the vet and they just called me with results.

Every lab value was in the red.  This time we won’t be able to bring her back.  We can’t make it better, make her feel better or happy or loved anymore.  They are giving her IV meds which will perk her up temporarily but as soon as they stop she will go back into extreme distress.  The only recourse is to euthanize her and put her out of her misery.  There ought to be a better option!!!!!!!!  Such a sweet, lovable little dog shouldn’t have to go through this.  All she’s ever done is love and be loved.  She rarely even makes a sound.  Just wants her ears scratched and her belly rubbed, to sit in your lap and be talked to sweetly.  Instead now the decisions are when to pull the plug and do we want her cremated or to bring her home to bury.  These decisions will have to be made by her owner who right now is having chest pains and has been given nitroglycerin to combat the side effects of his own grief.

I look at my furbabies and I’m so happy they’re okay.  They don’t understand the sobbing noise.  Gypsy and Zoe have smelled my face to see where it’s coming from.  Gypsy licked away the tears; she is upset because she doesn’t understand what is going on.  I’ve assured her that Mom is okay but she’s still watching me closely to see if I’ll make those noises again…and I probably will.

In the car on the way to the vet this morning I remember holding Buffy close to me and telling her she was Mama’s baby because her human mama passed away a few months ago and I’ve been the only mama she’s had since then.  She snuggled her little nose into the crook of my elbow and let me snuggle her all the way to Friendswood which is 17 miles from us.  Most of the way her little body was trembling in pain.  I couldn’t get her there fast enough but now I wish I’d had more time to tell her that I loved her, to scratch her ears and rub her belly.

Bandit vs the window blinds

I’ve spent the last week or so in a funk: depressed, exhausted, sinus issues, stomach pains, headaches, eye issues, sleep issues, etc.  I realized yesterday that all that was side effects of a new medicine they’d given me last month.  I’d already stopped it once and went back to the previous medicine but it wasn’t as effective, so I switched again.  The longer I’ve been on it the more side effects I was having, so I stopped it again and already feel better after 24 hours.  Guess it’s time to call the doctor and let him know.  This sucks!  Today the smile is back on my face and my headache is completely gone.  Where yesterday my head hurt so bad that my top teeth ached today I have no headache at all.  Back to the drawing board.

All else is working out well.  We’ve bought two new PC’s for family members so I’ve been working on loading and setting them up.  My experiment with my laptop and Win8 was successful and functional at last so that is a GO.  Now we can buy Win 8 computers.  It had gotten difficult to find Win7 anymore so I’m glad this worked out.  The last time I played with Win8 I got so frustrated I just reformatted the computer and went back to Win7.  No such thing now.  So far so good.

All the dogs are doing well.  I went around the corner yesterday to check on Buffy who is now off subcutaneous fluids and onto prescription dog food for renal failure.  She looks like a puppy, the best I’ve ever seen her look!  What a surprise!  She loved on me and gave me her belly to rub, and gave me kisses.  She was so sweet and happy….I love happy endings!!!!!

I’m planning my Oklahoma trip now.  Talked to the kids earlier about dates and got permission to just take Zoe with me so she wouldn’t have to stay crated the entire time I’m gone.  She’s doing so well learning things that I didn’t want to go backwards on her development.  Maybe this will help with that, and it will help socialize her, too.

Bandit has gone a few rounds with the cat in the flower bed unfortunately hampered by the blinds on the window in my office.  Every time I pick up the pieces that he breaks off when he violently smashes his head into the window.  Scares the crap out of me when he does it.  I think we’ve replaced the blind about 5 times already.  Luckily they’re about $3 each so we’re not going broke doing it, but I’m going to check into wooden blinds and see if they stand up better to his assaults.

Time to head toward the bedroom; I have errands to run tomorrow and am trying to find time to sew again.  Gotta have sleep in order to get anything accomplished—wish there were more hours in the day!

I’m sitting here installing Windows 8.1 on my “throw-away” laptop in hopes that they have improved it over Windows 8.0.  I was sincerely hoping that Microsoft would realize that they’d screwed up with Win8 and take it off the market, but no such luck even though the complaints have been loud and many.  I obviously have tried it before (when it was in pre-release format), in fact, on this same laptop.  I thought it was like a big Android phone instead of Windows…and I am an IOS fan.  Since I have a new desktop and a new laptop I figured I could use my travel PC to play with, so here goes nothing.

In a few minutes I’m going to go around the corner and give Buffy her sub-cutaneous fluids.  We are on the last bag and then will start prescription dog food for canine renal failure victims which will, hopefully, free her from having a needle stuck into her on a daily basis.  The vet had to order the food so I’m waiting on their call to pick it up and hoping that it will fix her right up.

I just got home (well, within the past hour anyway) from running errands and am on an extended break to cool off from the Texas heat and resting my aching hip (the one that hasn’t been replaced yet but will be eventually).  I have 2 dogs in my lap, one behind me between me and the chair and 2 more dogs on the ottoman beside my desk.  On the floor is another, the largest of the seven, and one is in the window.  All are asleep or close to it.  All are happy and peaceful…and quiet.  I have things to accomplish when I finish loading the laptop with Win8 but almost hate to bother the dogs in their reverie.  It’s been so peaceful among the canines in our little family lately.  It sometimes feels like we don’t have any dogs at all because it’s so quiet.  Weird sensation!

The clock has just rolled over 3 P.M. so I’ve got to get out of this chair and do something, even if it’s wrong!  LOL

Got word today that Gino’s new home is working out.  His doxie brother and he have become friends but the cat is still shy around Gino.  His new mama loves him and is pleased with him.  We’re happy for all of them.

Gino, his new mama and brother

I’ve been visiting Buffy daily in order to administer her subcutaneous fluids and she is happy and doing well, too.  Her human daddy is so happy to have her home.  She is so much company for him now that his wife has passed on.  They both seem really comfortable to be together again…and that makes me happy, too, even though I miss her.  He told me today that if anything happens to him we are to get Buffy because she is happiest with us and he knows we would love her and care for her best.  I thought that was a nice compliment and I could tell it came from his heart.

Today has been a lazy day for me; I haven’t accomplished much but then I’m retired so I don’t know what I expect for myself.  I went to bed late last night (early this morning actually) then slept in until almost 11 A.M.  When Zoe cried to get out of her crate I went and got her and took her to bed with me for another couple of hours.  Later I got a nice bath, went to take care of Buffy’s meds then to the grocery store.  I’ve got the last load of clothes in the dryer and the sprinkler going in the backyard, got the trash can in from the street and all the groceries unloaded from the car and put away.  I took time to sit on the couch and love the dogs then got up and got busy again.  Ronnie called and said he’s going to be at work a while longer so I have yet to start dinner cooking.

Still missing Maximus.  Sometimes I try to look at his pictures I’ve posted on Facebook but it’s never long before I find tears in my eyes.  It’s going to be a while before that hurt goes away.  Out of the 4 dogs who are not here that we had in May he is the one that I miss the most, that hurts the most, that is the most final loss.  I don’t know if it’s because I bottle-fed him and he was my baby for so long or if it would have hurt this bad regardless of the situation.  I’ve never had to have a dog euthanized before and even though I know it was the right thing to do it doesn’t make it any easier to bear.

It’s pleasantly quiet around the house now that we’re down to the minimum of dogs (7).  Now each animal gets more individualized attention and the pack is more at peace, more settled and quiet.  Even the little one is noticeably happier and active.  Zoe has just blossomed now that the other dogs are gone.  She gets more attention and is absolutely bubbly.  It’s great to see her so ZOE!  She fits in with the other dogs so much more than her sister, Keira, did.  Keira was louder and more demanding, and frankly, more of a pain at times.  She was obviously used to being top dog because she demanded more than any of the rest of the dogs we had.  Maybe just more spoiled and I’m sure we didn’t help that.  She was a sweet puppy but it is very noticeably quieter without her.  We love all the dogs we’ve fostered but, of course, some more than others.  We’ve only had one dog, a Chihuahua, that was ever a really bad dog, and thankfully we found a home for him quickly so he wasn’t a bad influence for long.  In rescue you never know what kind of past the dogs have had or how they’ll be with other dogs or in our pack until they’re actually here, so there’s no way to pick and choose unless you get them from another foster who’s had them before.  We’re lucky to have had as good a result as we have because there’ve been a bunch of canines through our doors in the past few years.

Better get back to my real life again.  There’s things yet to be done today.

Gino’s blanket before Bandit ate it

Today is exactly one month since we put Maximus to sleep…it still hurts but I still know it was the right decision.  I don’t know how long it’ll be until I can think of him without crying.

Buffy went back to her owner Wednesday evening and we told him what had happened to her, what we had kept from him in his time of grieving for his wife.  He agreed that he wouldn’t have been able to handle the knowledge at the time.  With all of Buffy’s health issues behind her (finally) she arrived home to no momma.  We’ve talked to George every day and he says that she still walks from room to room looking for her lost Momma.  So sad.  Today I called the vet to find out how her blood work came out.  It was more bad news.  Her white cell count was down so no more infection.  Her red count was up so no more anemia.  But her kidney values had doubled so that means she goes back on subcutaneous fluids again.  This means I will go over to their house daily and stick a needle in her and administer Ringers solution.  There’s no one else to do it, so I’ll have to be the baddie again that hurts that poor little dog.  Since I know I am doing it to save her life I can do it again, but I hope it’s not at the risk of losing her love and faith in me that took 6 weeks together to build.

I had a very happy day today.  It was WW weigh in day and I’d lost another 2 1/2 pounds, almost 25 so far.  I got some new coupons in my email for the local fabric store so I got cleaned up and went shopping.  This is the store where I purchased the fabric for the two baby quilts I made and I’d decided to make changing pads and diaper bags to match the quilts, so I had to go back to the same store I bought from before.  I had found one fabric on their online store but not both so I had to go check it out anyway.  To make a long story short when I got there they were having a 1/2 off sale so I bought the other fabric (they didn’t have both in stock locally either), some patterns and a few other things, then I came home and ordered the other fabric online.  So I’ll be able to do what I wanted now.  One baby is due in September, the other January so I can’t wait forever to get going on these projects.  I was happy I found both fabrics; that’s not always easy to do months after you purchase the first time.

Gino has been adopted and as soon as Ronnie gets some time off from work we’ll be delivering him to Shepherd, Texas.  I’ve packed his bags (dog food, heartworm meds, shirts, bones, chew toys, balls, leash, etc.), made him a blanket (with his name on it—Bandit chewed it up the same day I made it!!!), his crate and his pillow.  That ought to be enough for one little 5-pound Chihuahua.  We always send them off with all their belongings; it probably doesn’t make them a bit of difference but it makes us feel like we’ve done our very best for them.

Ronnie took me out to our Friday night Mexican restaurant, Don Julio’s, for nachos and Margarita’s and it topped off the whole beautiful day until I cried about Maximus.  Ever since dinner I’ve been feeling very sad.  It’s after midnight now and my mind was going round and round on it so I figured I’d get it out of my head so it wouldn’t bug me anymore.

Ronnie has to work tomorrow so I’ll go to the vet and pick up Buffy’s meds and go to their house to administer them.  Hopefully after that I can get some time to sew.  I have a blouse about half way finished and a nightgown cut out to sew.  I have a bunch of new patterns and fabrics to make some pretty things; I just need the time to do it and the motivation required.

I’m looking forward to being down to 7 dogs so I can have more time to myself and a little more peace and quiet.  When you have 11 dogs (what we had last month) it’s just too much for one person….period.  Since Ronnie works so many hours and has so few days off the entire load gets put on my shoulders and I’m just exhausted from it.  We both feel like we need to not foster anymore for a while at least.  We truly need a break.  This is the first time in months that we don’t have a vet appointment scheduled for any of them.  Twice we have gone up to 11 dogs and once to 10; you’d think we’d learn but it happens before you know it.  The last time we took in 2 little puppies on a Sunday and got a foster back the next week and then Buffy.  Bam!  Four more dogs at one time.  We didn’t know what had hit us for a while but that’s how rescue is and we won’t stop rescuing.  Once Gino leaves we’ll have Jolie who we’ll have forever because there’s no one else in the family to care for her, and Mimi who Ronnie won’t give up now, and our own 5 dogs.  That’s still a lot but when they’re Chihuahuas (except Bandit) it doesn’t seem like a lot of dogs even if it is.

I posted a photo of what I embroidered on Gino’s blanket.  I don’t have one of how it looks now that Bandit got to it (maybe I need to do that, too!  LOL).  It was a good idea, anyway, and Gino will never know the difference.

Today our lunar landscape disappeared for good.  Everything is green, some things in bloom, lots of new color and I love it!  Of course, I’m broke again, but whatever!  LOL  Now we just have to keep watering and fertilize as necessary.  The landscapers are going to be responsible for watering for the next 2 weeks and guarantee that if any grass dies they’ll replace it for free.  They did an excellent job exactly to my specifications and I love it!

Lots of green in our Texas sunshine

Last night Ronnie got all the holes drilled in the old tree stump and the stump killer applied.  I knew he’d been out there drilling but until he washed away all the sawdust I didn’t realize the extent of his labors.  This morning was the last time we had to view the lunar landscape.  This afternoon the crew started filling in the yard with sand and dirt.  They also finished taking out the side flower bed and got that filled in, too.  Tomorrow they will bring the new St. Augustine grass and it’ll be all green again.  Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodbye old flower bed

New fill

Last of the lunar landscape

Holey stump

The 22 year old Arizona ash tree in our front yard was removed on May 30th.  Ever since I’ve been contacting landscapers and yard peeps about reconstruction.  After almost 2 weeks I had only 2 estimates and was watering a lunar landscape every day hoping the grass would start to grow in.  I guess since it’s a simple (read cheap) production no one wanted to spend their time in the Texas heat doing all the manual labor our job required.  Finally on Friday the work began.  These photos are before and during pictures.  I’ll post again when they are finished.

New Oak Tree

New Flower Bed

Lunar landscape

Arizona ash tree

One of the puppies was adopted today (the other one we are keeping) to a wonderful family.  Her new momma is a young girl who graduated from high school in 2012 and still lives at home but works a full-time job.  Her mom has a Chihuahua male so she’ll have a playmate.  It was love at first sight!  So happy for our baby girl!!!!!  Here she is asleep in her new mommy’s lap:

So nice to have some happiness after all the stress we’ve been under lately.  Sending kisses to our little girl and wishing her a wonderful new life!