Texas Lady

I had a good day today, more “normal” than the past few.  I went to Texas City and picked up my new orthodontic retainers, did some sewing until I ran out of a few things and couldn’t go further.  Then I went to Joann’s for supplies, talked to a girl about some sewing classes and got a lead, came home (again) and did a million loads of laundry, emptied the dishwasher and then vegged out in front of the TV until Ronnie got home from the hospital.  His mom is steadily going down hill; not expected to recover and just a matter of time left on this earth.  Sad.

I was only dog-bitten once today, only one new bloody hole in my arm, and caused from the smallest dog in the house.  Dusty (5 whole pounds) decided to bite a 20 pound dog, which decided to bite him back…in my lap.  Of course, I put my arm up between them to break up the fight, so when the 20 pounder bit back, guess what she bit…………yep, me.  Damnit!!!!!  That makes 16 bloody places on my left forearm.  Looks sick…..but normal…for us.  LOLLLLLLL

Today I got an email from the sewing store where I buy most of my machines and where I go to most of my classes.  They also have clubs there now, too.  They needed a 3rd person in order to hold a class; otherwise they’d have to cancel the last class this year.  So I signed up for a PED-Next class next month on the 6th and the 13th for 4 hours each day.  It’s software training.  I previously went to the first class a year ago when I was so sick with a major cold/sinus infection.  I barely made it through the first class.  I had a temperature, sneezing, blowing my nose.  My head was so stopped up I couldn’t even think. But I knew I wanted to go back and do it right.  Now I have that chance.  While I’m there I’m going to join some other classes and clubs to keep me busy and learning new things.  I love that!……….Very excited to get back into it.  I also paid off my Coverpro machine today so all my sewing machines and equipment are free and clear.  I’m working toward buying the Brother Quattro II in 2013 so I’ve got a lot to learn to get there.  I’ve been coveting that machine for a couple of years; it’s about time to go for it!  My financial advisor said I would have enough money in 2013 to purchase the $6000 machine.  I can’t wait!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow I go pick up my new retainers then I’m planning on coming home and going into the sewing room.  I need to get the things organized that I want to do first.  I’ll have to move machines around, remember how to rethread the surgers, etc., so I can make a few blankets and get my self back in the groove.  I got a cortisone shot in my shoulder so won’t have to worry about that joint for a few months.  Tomorrow I’ll be free of the orthodontist again for a while, too.

My mother-in-law is still on a ventilator in the ICU at a Houston hospital.  Ronnie is still going up there every day but he is exhausted.  Her heart, now without the external pacemaker, is doing better now that they have amputated her leg but they can’t disconnect the oxygen because she can’t get enough oxygen into her lungs by herself.  And her o2 saturation is falling more every day.  She’s barely getting enough o2 to her brain not to cause brain damage.  Right now it’s just hurry up and wait.  They’re hoping she takes a massive swing to the better side soon and are not planning on changing anything until Monday (it’s Thursday now).  We’re all sending her and her family the best but she may never come out of this coma.

But I had a good day, so that’s an improvement for me.  Today I spent a couple hours at the nail salon for a refill and pedicure (and a glass of red wine).  Then I went to Popeye’s for lunch so I could taste their fried crawfish (yummy!).  Then I came home to watch the election returns until Ronnie got home from the hospital again.  Doesn’t sound like much but I feel 100% better than I have the past few days (even the election results can’t knock the dew off this rose!).

Tomorrow I have a late morning doctor’s visit then I intend to come home and start on sewing some fleece blankets.  I kept telling myself that I needed to work on one of my planned projects in order to get myself started sewing again, but I realized that I just need to do something mindless (since my mind needs to retrack for retirement so it’s not “On” right now) and just “Do It!”.  That way I’ll be sewing before my mind realizes it and all I have to do then is keep going.  Sounds logical to me right now, but what do I know?  I’m intent on getting my sanity back ASAP.  Like Jan told me: keep a structure in your days.  Yes, Ma’am!  I’m working on doing just that.

Another day spent in my nightgown waiting for Ronnie to get home from the hospital.  I napped on the couch, made some business phone calls, watched some recorded TV, finally took a bath, etc.  But, for the most part, I’ve just sat on my butt another day.  I cooked last night so I didn’t cook today.  I realized this afternoon that this is probably a little depression and boredom from the shift from working to retirement.  I can deal with that.  Sometimes just knowing what it’s all about makes all the difference in the world.  This is the top of the list of things that my best friend (who retired before me) wrote out to watch for.  I guess I’ve arrived at retirement at last.  LOL

I have things I want to do (that don’t seem to get started).  Guess that’s where I’ll start, just try to figure out the best way to apply myself to my tasks but not push myself so hard that I stress out about them.  I think one of the things that gets to me is the feeling that I’m waiting for Ronnie to get home.  That never bothered me before so I’ll have to analyze that.  I feel that I can’t get started on anything because as soon as I do Ronnie will get home (and…..what?).  What difference will that make?  What is the change there?

Who looks more relaxed, me or Mimi?  Took this picture with my iPhone the other day.  This is Mimi’s favorite spot when I’m on my computer.  She’s a happy girl and very loving toward us; I just wish she was that way with other people because then we could find her a permanent home.  Ronnie says she’s already found a permanent home—-it’s with us.  LOL  We have had her for almost 2 years so I think Ronnie’s right; she’s not going anywhere.  She gets along good with the other dogs in the pack, except Maximus–and she hates his guts.  She barks, snarls and nips at him and will chase him out of the house through the doggie door.  We have to watch them like a hawk to keep them away from each other.  We’re afraid she’s going to put him in defensive mode and he’s going to attack and hurt her, and we can’t let that happen.  Lately she has taken a new interest in Ronnie and will love on him, sleep close to him and follow him everywhere.  There has definitely been a change in our pack recently; everyone has shifted again, adjusted.  It is probably the addition of Gino because he is still a puppy, is full-grown at 5 pounds, and wants to be held and babied a lot, just like Dusty (who spends most of his life in my lap).  And we also have Jolie now and she takes a lot of attention away from our own dogs, but she needs so much and her owner wasn’t able to deal with her at this point in her life.  So everyone is happy with Jolie here with us, including Jolie.

There will probably be more changes in the pack now that I’m retired and home most of the time.  Maximus is not crated as much and Bandit is crated more (in order to let Max out an equal amount of time).  I also keep Gino and Mimi away from Maximus so his life is more peaceful.  I spend more time holding all of them but mostly the little ones.  Ronnie is afraid I’ll steal Gypsy’s love from him but he doesn’t realize that I’ve always paid attention to Gypsy; he just doesn’t usually see it because I’m usually gone working shiftwork.

It’s been a lazy weekend.  I’ve done more today but not much.  I’ve set meat out for dinner so I’ll be cooking at home.  Will probably make a pitcher of frozen drinks, too.  Ronnie was going to run up to the hospital to visit his mom but he was so exhausted he is napping instead.  Tomorrow activity will increase because I have some business to take care of and I want to get in to the gym or on our treadmill (one or the other).  I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to diet yet but I do want to be more active and not sit around like a lump every day.  Maybe this is a part of the adjustment to retirement; I’m trying not to stress over the fact that “I’m not accomplishing anything” because it’s not a race anymore.  I tell myself that if “it” doesn’t get done today there will be tomorrow; I don’t have to go back to work, there is no deadline.  It seems that life is still a learning experience even at 60 years of age.

It’s almost 6 P.M. and I’m still in my nightgown; does that tell you anything?  I was tired when I woke up and it just didn’t get any better.  I took a short nap sitting upright on the loveseat while watching some stuff I had recorded on the DVR.  Ronnie called (from the hospital with his mom) to tell me he’ll be leaving to come home soon.  Since he was gone all day I didn’t have to cook, the house was already clean, I did the laundry yesterday, so what was there to do that was pressing today?  Yeah, that’s what I thought, too, so I’ve been vegging out all day.  I ate some Cheetos and a few pieces of Halloween candy; other than that it’s been Diet Coke all day while I sat under dogs’ butts on the loveseat.  Messed with the computer a bit and took care of the dogs but I’ve accomplished very little all day.  Does it matter?  No, not really….because I’m retired……….LOL

I’m not quite sure what just happened at the podiatrist.  I think he was mad because I got better while not doing what he wanted me to do.  He said it was obvious I was better at it than him so he dismissed me.  What a guy!  So next time my foot hurts I’ll be sure to NOT go back to this office.  First they couldn’t find my file after I’d been to that office 3 times and twice to the old office.  Then he found out I wasn’t using the arch supports he’d prescribed and was using ones I bought at Walgreen’s.  What pissed him off I think was that I am better in spite of him. One minute he was showing me the exercise he wanted me to do, the next he discovered I wasn’t using the arch supports.  After a short discussion he made the remark about it being obvious I was better at it than him and he dismissed me.  So there!

Ronnie’s mom took a turn for the worse today.  I just spoke with him and the family has been notified that she’s not doing well, her heart stopped today and they don’t know if there is permanent damage or if she’ll regain consciousness.  Thankfully she was already at the hospital, but she was having other issues before this, so it doesn’t sound good right now.

I know it’s not a full moon today but it sure feels like it!  My youngest grandson found out today he’ll have to have surgery next week.  What will happen next?

Thankfully it is quiet here at home.  Most of the dogs are asleep right now.  Bandit is keeping vigil at the front window just like he did yesterday afternoon.  Maximus is back in his crate for a nap.  Jolie, Dusty, Gypsy and Gino are here with me, all asleep.  I think Fancy is asleep in the window.  Who does that leave?  Mimi, who is probably asleep on the back of the couch; that’s her “place” this time of the day.  And here I sit updating my iPhone software and downloading my purchases from Itunes.  Not much “accomplished” today but it’s been a good day for me (minus the foot doctor’s crap) and it’s a lovely day outside with beautiful blue skies, white, fluffy clouds and cooler than summer temperatures (which is good for Texas).  I’m beginning to get used to this retirement thing.

Ronnie as Fu Manchu and Mimi as a lizard…..Mimi thought the whole thing was hillarious…..Dusty as a lion, a sweet one….Gypsy was a ladybug….Fancy was a bumblebee

And the last day of October 2012.  This is the last day of my insurance from my previous employment and the day before the paperwork at my financial institution says I’m retired.  And here I sit in my nightgown trying to find some energy to get out the dogs’ Halloween costumes.  Candy is bought, dogs are medicated and fed…and back to sleep just like human babies would be.  It’s cool in the house so they’re all snuggled up together (2 little ones in my lap, 2 on a blanket at my feet) and scattered throughout the house.  I’m still only letting Maximus and Bandit out one at a time, but they don’t care.  The only one awake is Bandit staring out the front window in our home office.  I don’t know what he’s watching but he’s in full-alert mode.  Today is not trash day, the school bus has long-since run and it’s not time for the mail lady to come by.  There shouldn’t be anything to look at, but then he’s a dog so he sees and hears things I don’t.

We got the new iPhone last night and got them switched out.  Went to Little Daddy’s Gumbo Bar (http://www.littledaddysgumbobar.com/) for dinner.  They have good gumbo, the only one comparable to what I make and we always enjoy it.  It’s just a little hole-in-the-wall place but there’s always a crowd.  Today I’m making burritos at home but have to make a trip to the store first.  I was really tired yesterday and had been getting up fairly early (for a retired person) so decided to sleep in this morning and just have a peaceful day.  Tomorrow will be busier and probably more emotional so I’m going to try to enjoy just being alive today.  I’ll post later and add some pics.

Update: the day went well, a little stressful because I had so much to do to get ready for Halloween night and so little time to do it all, but I made it and we all had a wonderful evening together.  We had a million kids to dole out candy to, saw some really neat and imaginative costumes, and took a bunch of pictures of the dogs in various costumes.  Not one bit us either, though Jolie did growl and made me believe she was going to take off a finger or two before I got her dressed. Dinner (homemade burritos) was good (Ronnie had seconds!) and we had candy left over (by design: we turned out the porch light).  For two old folks we truly enjoy Halloween the most of any other holiday of the year.  In the past I wasn’t always off for it but now I’ll be able to plan for it, maybe even work on new costumes for next year for both of us and the big dogs.  We kept Maximus and Bandit crated the whole time and they hated it.  They wanted out to see what was going on outside and what all the noise and smells were but we kept them safe from the kids and the kids safe from them.  It was a shame that they didn’t have costumes to have their pictures made wearing.  I may go to Petco tomorrow and see what they have on sale in their sizes.  Otherwise I’ll just make sure I buy for them next year.  We have plenty of costumes for the Chihuahuas but have never bought any for the big boys.  I’ll see what I can come up with for them next.

I am retired.  The entire exit interview lasted about 5 minutes.  I turned in my badge and car pass on my way out of the gate.  It was anticlimactic.  The HR guy was friendly and open, appreciative of my time spent with the company and pleasant to be with.  I really expected to be grilled more since the exit survey I filled out a week ago was so detailed, but then it was a general survey for anyone terminating their employment, not just for retirees.  A lot of it just didn’t pertain to me at all but I still expected to be asked a few leading questions that never happened.  Cool!  Do I feel different now?  Yes.  I feel more relaxed and optimistic.  Good.

I had a busy day today for the first day of retirement.  A lot of errands, groceries, shopping, then housework and laundry.  My sweet housekeeper comes tomorrow but I wouldn’t ask her to clean up all that was left around here out of neglect.  I did a bit of vacuuming and cleaning off of flat surfaces.  Tomorrow I’ll pull up the rugs and the remaining dog blankets and get them in the washer before she arrives.  It’s the least I can do for all she does for us.  We love her!

I have an early morning visit to the dentist/orthodontist tomorrow.  He’s going to remove my permanent bottom retainer and give me different ones (well, he’s not “giving” them to me; they’ll be $350).  I’ll be glad to see this one go; it’s a devil to floss with this sucker in the way.  Then, Jennifer comes to clean, and I’ll wait for FedEx to deliver my new iPhone and go from there.  We ordered the iPhone 5 on September 27th and it’s just now arriving.  I’ll get it and Ronnie will get my 4S.  He hates his Samsung and I don’t blame him; I hated mine, too; but then I’m just not an Android fan either.  I’ll be glad to be able to carry on a conversation with my husband that doesn’t get cut off mid-stream.  And he’ll be glad to get an iPhone again.  He liked the last one; pity he can’t keep up with them because they’re expensive to replace.

Wednesday is an open day and I hope I can get started on my sewing again but it’ll more than likely be spent doing business and making phone calls.  Thursday I have doctor’s visits and phone calls and then no formal plans for a couple of weeks.  I’m pricing airplane tickets to go see my family in Oklahoma in their new home.  I sure miss them.  We’ve all been so busy lately that we’ve hardly spoken.  I’ve got to remedy that.  And I’ve got to load Skype on this new laptop so we can see each other again soon.

I’m happy that I’m becoming more of a day person lately, but that means that I’m soon going to fall flat on my face if I don’t take myself to bed.  Good night, All.  We’ve got it covered from here on out….don’t sweat the small stuff…

Tomorrow morning I go to work and sign out.  It’ll be the last time I badge in and badge out, the last time I park in that parking lot, the last day of my employment there.  It feels kinda scary but I know it’s simply a part of the process that I have put into place to retire.  I can’t start the rest of my life without turning this page.  That job has been my security blanket for 29 years.  It helped me raise my children, help my grand-children, buy and build a home and a life for myself.  It has seen me at my worst and my best, and everything in between.  I’ve laughed inside those gates, been frightened, angry, stressed and cried copious tears.  I’ve been sick, tired, sleepy, motivated, elated, and bored there.  Whatever I’ve been, it’s been within those borders, too.

I’ve known some really sweet people there, and some really asinine people, too.  I’ve had love affairs with some people who entered those gates (no, not within those gates LOL).  I’ve argued with people there, been intimidated by people there, admired people there, and resented people there.  Just like real life, all those emotions live within those gates, too.  I’m leaving behind some really wonderful co-workers, people who had my best interests at heart.  I’ll miss them terribly and hope to see them again.  I have no ill feelings for this site.  It’s just time for me to go and I’m fortunate enough to be able to retire early while I can still enjoy my life.

How do I say goodbye after spending half my life there?  Today at lunch with Ronnie I cried, but not because I would miss the place, but because I feel rejected by the company.  I feel that I gave much more than I was appreciated for, acknowledged for, or compensated for.  I spent so much time trying so hard for what ended up to be nothing at all, just a paycheck, just a way to fill my time and build my retirement funds.  I wanted so much more and tried so hard, yet with every turn I was rejected and defeated until a couple of years ago when I just stopped caring and stopped trying so damned hard.  It’s such a shame.  I had so much potential that the company squandered, but by then I had spent so much time there that I couldn’t start over anywhere else.  Sad.  I wonder if I’ll ever have to cry over that loss again or if that was all the tears I’d stored inside for the loss I’ve felt for so long.  Time heals all wounds.  It’s a matter of time.  This time….time out….overtime…one time….time will tell.